Col. 3:12: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Ladies and gentlemen both: This is something that some of you desperately need to hear: People are not possessions. 
I was recently working with a couple who were having marital troubles. He was beside himself with frustration because his wife, in his perception, was not “submitting” to him as he felt she should. She, on the other hand, was upset because her husband, in her own words, expected her to be at his beck and call, work her job and give him all the money to use, be home in time to make dinner for him and wait on him, and without his assistance with anything! 

When I inquired further into this dynamic he was quick to recite one of the only Bible verses he knew: Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” 

Folks, there is clearly a misunderstanding of this! And this misunderstanding is used as an excuse for some of the most heinous of abuses to wives! To “submit” in this sense means to give deference to with respect to roles in the marriage, as is indicated in the latter part of the quote above, “as the church is subject to Christ…” 

We, as the Body, have Christ as the Head. This means that we are an EXTENSION of Christ here on earth. Wives are, likewise, to be an extension of their husbands, since this is the way it was set up in Eden, when Eve was created to be a “suitable helper” to Adam. This does NOT give the man the right to mistreat his wife! Men who misunderstand this are failing to read the REST of the verses related to this subject in Ephesians. If you need further clarification, consider this: The verses here in Ephesians 5 related to the wife’s need to submit total 3. But reading further, in reading about the MAN’S role in marriage, there are 9 VERSES! 

The man is said here to be the head over the wife, but a better interpretation would be that he “presides” over his wife, meaning that he cares for her and always tries to do what is best for HER. Recall that Christ literally DIED for His church! Husbands are to be willing to sacrifice themselves for their wives, not use them to meet the husbands wants and needs. 

Read the 9 verses here that relate to the man’s role: 
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. 
The husband’s role is to help the wife to be “spotless and blameless!” This applies to Godly men who take their spiritual role seriously and want the best for their wives, to the sacrifice of themselves if necessary. The wife is one flesh with the husband, meaning an extension of him. This means that to mistreat one’s wife is to mistreat one’s self! 
Bottom line: marriages require MUTUAL RESPECT, LOVE and ADMIRATION! There is no “boss.” There is no “my way or the highway.” If you truly expect your wife to submit to you, then love your wife as YOURSELF and treat her better than yourself!